“FAST FOOD RIGHT? NEVER FAST ENOUGH, RIGHT? HAHAHA GUYS YEAH”
Jimmons high fived his bros, rocking the booming land cruiser. They’d been waiting for 5 minutes just to get to the menu. Lana Del Ray blasted. Jimmons passed his joint to Billiam, who passed it to Scottington, who passed it to Bitchard, who passed it back to Jimmons. This was the opening day. AnthroPow! was the sexy new fast food restaurant out of the West Coast making its Texas debut in Dallas, predicted to be a perfect market. This foursome, stoked, loaded up on weed and proceeded to get hype for some new extreme flavors.
“Bro, what does even this place like… make?”
“Yeah bro, it’s just fast food right?”
“Bros.” Jimmons turned to engage each passenger in a strong hype stare, “It’s not just like Burger King. This meat is 100% sustainable. Every meal tastes different. It’s locally sourced food that reduces the world’s carbon footprint.”
Bitchard sneered. “Sounds gay, bro.”
“Bro.” Retorted Jimmons, “You’re not gonna say that when you hear what kind of food they serve though.”
Silence fell in the car. 10 seconds passed.
Billiam twitched “What fucking food do they serve?”
Jimmons stared right into his eyes, “Bro. Human meat.”
Bitchard snorted, “No fucking way, bro. What do you mean they serve human meat? Isn’t that like illegal or something?”
“Nah, bro. Didn’t you read the news?” Scottington broke in with a grin. “California made it legal for people to donate their bodies to AnthroPow! and like their families get a tax rebate.”
Bitchard and Billiam became quite still. Jimmons and Scottington exchaged superior glances.
Bitchard: “Bros I don’t know if I’m comfortable with this.”
Billiam: “Dude, though. I’m down. This is gonna be tight. Human meat and it’s good for the environment, no homo.”
The line shifted and Jimmons pulled the Land Cruiser up to AnthroPow!’s menu. A pleasant voice crackled through the speaker. “Our moms gave birth to save the Earth! Who can I deliver to your mouths today?”
“… Uhh one moment miss.” Jimmons and the dudes pressed their faces around the menu.
“Bros if I get some Toepas will y’all split them with me?”
“Bro I don’t split shit with anyone what are you a chick?”
“N-no homo.”
“Of course Lady Fingers are on the menu, duh.”
“What do they mean by veal? How do they get veal humans?”
“Thighway dippers sound perfect bro.”
Jimmons made the call “Uhh, ma’am. I think we’re ready to order.”
“Go ahead” she crackled.
“Four orders.”
“Okay, first I want a Kid Burger with Cracklins instead of fries and can I get that with Hemotle sauce instead of the ketchup?”
“Sure, next order?”
“Thighway Dippers with a side order of Toepas.”
“Alright… next order?”
“The Finger Food with Hero Heart strips and some Zany Veins just to try.”
“…okay, that’s three. One more right?”
“Yeah, an Eyeris Cup and some Dippin Dicks… n-no homo.”
“Alright, I’ll see you at the next window for your total!”
